July 14, 2015

[OPINION] I Am Gonna Rock Your Living Room

I can’t wait for October. Guitar Hero Live comes out then and I’m one of the stars of the game. I had so much fun recording the videos for each song I’m in and I know you’ll have just as much fun playing ’em. I am gonna rock your living room!

guitar_hero_dudeMe mates at work all tease me about this because they know how quiet I am around the office. They all look at me and say things like, “Oy, wut uh you, some sor’ a rock star?” or, “Oy, everybody look! O’Johnson thinks he’s some sor’ a rock star!” and even, “Ginger freak-boy wants to be famous, does he? I’ll make you famous – drop ya trousers!” You know, the normal stuff your mates around the office say when you’re quietly trying to work on your spreadsheets. I can’t wait ’til they see the game – they’re gonna love it!

I know you will too. You’ll be getting up out of your seat dancing around with your guitar whilst I rock you silly! You better watch out though – you don’t want to fail! Keep your eyes on the notes and not on this rocker!

Some of me family have asked me, “Why have you gotten those horrible tattoos?” and, “Why would you stretch out a perfectly good shirt?” and even, “Why are you all of the sudden talking in a horrible English accent?” You know, the normal stuff your family says to you around Christmas time whilst you’re washing up after everyone. Won’t they be so excited to see me in this game?!

I called bagsies on all the best tracks and since me audition was so fantastic they gave me whatever I wanted. You’ll get to see me rockin’ out to such tunes as:

  • “Holding Back the Years” by Simply Red
  • “You Enjoy Myself” by Phish
  • “Chains of Love” by Erasure
  • “Sonic Reducer” by The Dead Boys
  • “Weird Science” by Oingo Boingo

I chose all those songs because each of those bands featured a ginger-haired band member and so of course I relate! I mean, if I’m being honest, those weren’t my first picks entirely, but they were definitely on the list. The Simply Red song was definitely on my third or fourth choice list. The rest I kind of got thrust into doing because they said I was soooo good that they wanted me in those videos so I didn’t mind doing something I didn’t really care about doing. I mean, if it’s for the good of the project I’ll do whatever it takes – even if it means not getting to do any of the songs I wanted to do.

Anyways… let’s get back to the main idea of this whole piece: your living room! I am gonna rock it so hard! I hope you don’t like clean furniture. When I get done with your living room you’re gonna have to get all new upholstery. I’m gonna rock so hard all over your stuff you won’t even want to play the game anymore. Yeah! You’ll probably want to go to another room to play Rock Band 4 because your furniture is gonna be so disgusting when I get through with it…

Before I go, I think I want to back up just a little bit and say that I’m sorry about what I am going to do to your couch. I’m kind of new to this whole thing and I don’t want you thinking I’m some sicko that just comes to people’s houses and ruins their furniture. I’m not that kind of rocker. I just got really excited about the metaphor I was using to describe all the rockin’ I’m gonna do in your living room and it kind of got a way from me. I just want to apologize right now and I’ll help you clean up to if anything happens. Like I said earlier, I always clean up after Christmas so I’m pretty good at it. In fact, those are the two things I’m best at – cleaning up after a mess and rockin’ living rooms. So, anyways, I hope we’re cool. I’ll see you in October.

Or as I like to call it “Rock Music-tober!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *