Mark Rein Disses Food, Recants In Same Sentence

Mark Rein, vice president of Epic Games, unleashed his criticizing tongue on food this week in a statement where he dissed the nutrional substance and then took it all back in the same sentence.

“Don’t get me wrong,” said Rein. “Food is a necessity and we need it but I think we need more food in storage than we need for eating – but that’s not what I meant.”

Food fanboys all over the internet were angry when they heard this but then were immediately calmed.

“I think this guy’s a d*ck, really – it’s insane that he would talk bad about food but it’s cool that he took it back,” said a blogger on

Rein has been known to diss other controversial concepts such as air, heat, gas and electricity and then act like he didn’t just diss them seconds earlier.

Epic Games is famous for it’s powerful game engine used in such games as Silverball and Jazz Jackrabbit 2. They are currently in development for the XBOX 360 with a port of their Dare to Dream series.

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Infinium Labs Announces Phantom in ’06, Ben Affleck To Star

Infinium Labs has just announced that their new video game service and console named the Phantom will be released in the fall of 2006, starring Ben Affleck.

“Ben Affleck has had a good track record with phantom related entities and we believe that he is the perfect leading man for our new video game console,” said Greg Koler, CEO of Infinium Labs.

The Phantom video game service will specialize in downloadable games at your fingertips that the whole family can enjoy for 2 minutes and then watch reality television. The specially created “lapboard” will feature the ability to change TV inputs so that this can easily be done.

“With our new TV input changing features and Ben Affleck, the Phantom is set to be the newest new thing come next Christmas,” said Koler. “In fact, that’s our motto. ‘Phantom: the new newity!'”

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Nintendo Announces New Mario Sports Game

Nintendo has revealed plans on a surprise sports title to be released on the GameCube, entitled “Mario Minimal Splashers.”

The game, which will revolve around the exciting world of competitive diving, is expected to be released in the spring of 2006.

“If you’ve ever wanted to make Mario go into a double twist somersault pike axle dive, then this game will be right up your alley,” said George Harrison, Nintendo of America’s senior vice president of marketing and corporate communications. “Diving is a growing sport across the globe, and is one of the most popular Olympic sports this side of the discus throw.”

Gamers will be able to compete in springboard events and platform competitions, as well as various mini-games. There will also be different themed pools offering hazards such as Bloopers that affect vertical entry and bonuses like note blocks that provide an extra high jump. The game will feature 1-4 players.

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Alien Hominid Creator Wins Lottery, Announces New Game

After announcing a lottery win last week, Behemoth, the studio behind Alien Hominid, has just announced a new game is in development for all three current-generation consoles.

“We are really fortunate to have some great talent on our team. They just keep coming up with great ideas,” says Tom Fulp, programmer for Alien Hominid and co-founder of Behemoth.

According to Fulp, this breaks the traditional mold of how the video game business works.

“Normally, if a studio doesn’t make a lot of money, even on a great game, they won’t be able to do another game,” he said.

The winning lottery numbers were 01-20-02-10

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Sony Introduces New “Touch Screen” Innovation For PS3

Sony has just released another tidbit on it’s next-gen system, the PS3: it will offer new never-before-seen “touch screen” technology.

“Gamers demand something new and exciting with each new console and we have delivered ten-fold,” said Ken Kutaragi, president of Sony Computer Entertainment.

This new “touch screen” technology will allow players to “touch” a “screen” and “interact” with the video “games.”

“It’s important to note that this has never been done before and so we should get all the credit,” said Kutaragi.

When asked specifically how much credit they should get, Kutaragi reiterates, “All of it… All of it.”

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